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Paraprosexia

I like being alone.

it's like i have a full time to think about the good bad decisions of my life ; the times i created memories and times i ruined .it's like i have time to re-evaluate life and it's meaning, to re think whatever i did and i regret; things i am proud of ,things i am not. i love being alone.

but yet when i see a group of friends chat over a cup of coffee, group of friends laughing while making weird poses fr camera, or best friends getting married, or a mom and daughter dancing on a wedding song.

when i see these things, i think and i feel......although i love being alone......i dont want to.

 Tht moment when you realise your usher love for sadness is letting you , to not let youself be the way you want yourself to be. you feel me?

when trying to solve everyone's problem and doubts about life make you wonder how bad you have messed up your life, tht no extent of motivation can make you even a little hopeful . Tht even happiness scares you. you feel me?

Tht moment when you even start loveing your bad desicions for a messy, saddening life.

I think i am not  even a human being , like how can I be a human when I feel so much, so deeply. I think I am a Feeling. A bare feeling living in the world of people who hide their feelings behind mask they often borrow from others.

I dont have a mask; tht is what makes me too vulnerable for getting hurt. You know, if you know me very well (well in the sense tht you chose to accept me rather than over viewing everything in me) then you will know , i dont even have a skin to hide behind. I say it's hard to understand me ; but it's pretty easy. You look into my eyes and there lies the truth but to see the truth you have to gaze into my eyes and tht is what makes it hard; beacuse I never leave my eyes bare for anyone to stare.

I am genuinely tht kinda person who loves a lot, cares a lot and to be frustrated or irritated to tht level that i get this "LET ME NOT CARE!"  or "LET ME NOT LOVE" is what i hate  a lot; because i am not this .


 





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