epitaph of a water sign

epitaph of a water sign

They say that the more you dive in,

The harder it gets to stop yourself

From diving in,

From diving in and trying

To find the deepest you can go

To find the longest you can hold;

The harder it gets to stop yourself from dying.

Much harder than crying

Is to dive into something so dark and wet,

So cold and dead;

To pierce open his heart

To tear apart,

The waves that went quiet

The ripples which just collide 

Within themselves.

They say the more you dive 

The harder it gets to survive,

Outside on something solid and fine 

Like the land where my footsteps don't sink.

The harder it gets to love life 

Around the air that leaves you dry .

The harder it gets to blink;

The harder it gets to stop yourself

From choking on water

From soaking,

In the dirtiest reeds

In the ashes of people I had to burn

The harder it gets to unlearn how to grow weeds ; 

To forget the lessons they forced me to learn.

Someone touched me,

That hand on my shoulder laid

 nails burying deep , 

palm cracking my shoulder blade.

Wait I think it's a Kappa,

I think it's a mermaid 

Am I dreaming?

Was this all a waste

Or was it a lesser win?

I just learnt how to dive but I think

I may have forgotten how to swim.

Was it even hard?

They thought I was trying to dive in?

To chase my death or to search for the brightest pearl?

Do they know I was practicing how to let go

Or how does the water take away everything when it flows

All of my mind , less of my matter

How can I let it swirl?

Curled up, hurled up over my bed

In a soaking white dress lay this girl

Did they see her cry too?

Did they tear her dress but painted the hems red ?

I think they did ,

but I hope they die dead.

I think I give too much too soon ,

So they fall for my hand

Not my heart,

Soo in love with the dying light

And afraid of the dark.

But there's a dilemma, a gyre 

Should you have patience to accept

Or should you have the will to change?

Should you hope and wait for help , a way

Or should you give up 

And live the fullest for just this one day?

Build a bridge to happiness ,

Take help from slow brains

Or leave this pale town alone ,

Spontaneously on a fast train?

I guess I'll just sink in a bathtub,

I guess I'll just let a lullaby help me stay 

somewhere in between the two extremes, I lay.

I am sinking up,

I am trying to have the best of both worlds.

So I made a promise,

To the chills I feel run along my spine,

To the ice in my heart

To this drenching time

To the unpacked goodbye

To that one dust collected dart

That could never hit a bullseye 

I would,

Let the air dry me out,

Let the land help me stand

and as

I stare through this door that lies beneath

The water and over the air 

One step up or

One step back.

One step up to the light breeze

Or a step back in my saturating freeze;

I had to step up, I held my breath

To be true to you,

Somehow it's harder to breathe the air

Than to choke on that nearing end

or some inevitable death.

Harder to choose an upright Fool

Out of the 78 cards of this tarot deck.

No matter what I choose,

someone still drags me back to the doom,

with a smile and a tear, someone waits for me to greet.

So I am sorry but I have to go back soon,

the people above threw me out on streets,

 after they discovered my wound. 

And I am scared they'll crack my other shoulder too;

I remember I couldn't move,

when they painted me red , I waited too long for the paint to set.

I am scared if they ever meet each other;

the people above and the animals down here

After all, feeding on the same junk makes them the same rat,

but I still don't want them to laugh at my stained dress or tears

or even try being brothers.

Maybe my elegy is overwhelming for the air to recite,

Maybe this water is not the home I get

Maybe I belong somewhere in between the line that divides

where your footsteps sink ,but you don't have to hold your breath.

How many questions to go;

how long will I fight back from answers in this game?

How long will I dance between the extremes?

how long till I choose between

  the arrogant people or the possessive animals?

How long will it take for me to see

that all them choices are same;

That the only true choice has always been "me".

. . .